We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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