We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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