his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
