Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
