I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
