I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
