Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
