It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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