its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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