tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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