the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
