Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
