That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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