Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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