my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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