She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
