so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
