Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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