what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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