I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
