Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
