Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
