she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
