Ambien. No doubt about it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
