With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
