Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
