my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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