I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
