I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
