my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I intend to get homeless drunk
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
