Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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