Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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