I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
