At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
