im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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