just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
