Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
