What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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