I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
