I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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