someone get that fucking seahorse.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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