I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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