I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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