I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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