It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
