A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I stole a fireplace last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
