And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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