I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
