dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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