So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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