someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
