Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
